I am about to make a dangerous confession. In an age where paranoia runs high, and almost any minor infraction is enough to keep someone off an airliner, what I am about to say will label me in the minds of some as bizarrely anti-American. Perhaps even inhuman.

But some things have to be said, or else they start eating a hole in one's soul, and I think it is important to be completely honest with you, my loyal readers. Both of you.

I'm not watching the Superbowl.

There, I said it. Ashcroft, you can do your worst.

Not only am I not watching the Superbowl this year, I've never watched the Superbowl, and I've never seen the point of watching the Superbowl. Or even football, for that matter. I've simply never seen the appeal of spending several hours of my life viewing televised images of sweaty, overpaid men beat each other to a pulp. Especially knowing that off the field half these guys behave like five-year-olds with overdeveloped libidos.

I've never gotten into any professional sports, except baseball. Baseball certainly has its problems, but at least the World Series is played in front of hometown crowds. I've never seen the point of having a championship game held thousands of miles from the homes of the fans of either team.

Now I understand that I'm supposed to watch the Superbowl for the commercials, not the game. That's the real draw these days. So, if I understand correctly, I'm to watch a professional sports game because the commercials are better than the contest itself. Does someone have a reverse TiVo which will skip over the boring football game so I can watch the ads?