I can't make this stuff up. Really. According to the FBI, police are to be on the lookout for people with almanacs , noting that information typically found in almanacs that could be useful for terrorists includes profiles of cities and states and information about waterways, bridges, dams, reservoirs, tunnels, buildings and landmarks. This information is often accompanied by photographs and maps.

Other things to be suspicious of:

* 20 ounce soda bottles, which can be stuffed with gunpowder and turned into bombs.
* Matches, which can be used for lighting fuses.
* Digital cameras, particularly when someone is taking pictures of prominent landmarks.
* Mobile phones, which can be used to coordinate a terrorist attack with uncanny precision.
* The Koran, since it is well-known that all terrorists are Islamic .
* And, of course, boxcutters, scissors, table knives, knitting needles, razor blades, etc.

Update: Apparently, tropical fish are also a major security risk .

Postscript: If you're thinking about a career writing comedy, forget it. There's no way you could invent anything this absurd.