According to this article, Microsoft wants to buff its image, move from "geek to chic." Like the nerdy high school student who can't ever get a date, I think Microsoft has something in its corporate DNA which prevents it from being hip.

At the conference I was at last week, several of the larger companies hired local models and actresses to staff their booths, a.k.a. boothbabes . This is a phenomenon which I have observed at every trade show I've ever attended, and it is more or less distasteful depending on your gender, politics, and views on women and business.

[As an aside: I could write a whole entry on boothbabes, and might someday, but let me share a few observations:

1. Instead of boothbabes, we stock our booth with a couple of flat-screen iMacs, which, at a tech show, are far more effective at drawing people in, and come without the ethical baggage unless you work for Dell.

2. The most annoying thing about boothbabes for me personally is when my VP of Marketing, a very intelligent, knowledgeable, and capable young woman, is mistaken for a boothbabe. This is demeaning to both her and me (since I hired her).

3. The most pathetic thing in the world is a guy trying to pick up a boothbabe. First, get a life. Second, get a clue. These women's job is to be pleasant and talk to you. That does not mean that they're the slightest bit interested in you, but if they told you that, they'd probably get fired.]

Okay, back to the topic at hand, which is why Microsoft will never, ever, be capable of the slightest bit of hipness.

At this conference, Microsoft hired boothbabes, or more correctly, floorbabes, since these women walked around the show floor rather than standing in the Microsoft booth. In order to get more attention, and I presume try to be more hip, these floorbabes were dressed like Trinity from the Matrix movies. Just to get the point across, they were all wearing badges which read, "Microsoft: Your Matrix For Success."

There were two problems with this.

Problem Number One
Okay, Trinity is pretty hot when she wears that skin-tight black leather. I say this speaking as a married man with three kids, a wife I adore, and no desire to look elsewhere. Trinity is pretty hot.

These boothbabes weren't.

Not that the women weren't attractive, though it was hard to tell under the weird costumes and makeup. The outfits didn't quite fit right, and instead of black leather, they used shiny black vinyl. The overall effect was more lumpy raincoat than kung-fu queen. Instead of saying, "She's pretty hot," most people said, "What the heck is that?"

Problem Number Two
Maybe Microsoft's marketing department was out to lunch when they thought through this whole idea, but...

Excuse me here, does anyone actually remember what The Matrix is all about?

You in the back, you had your hand up first.

Very good. The Matrix is about a giant, evil computer which controls the world.

Why would Microsoft want to be associated with this?

And what did those badges say? "Your Matrix For Success." That's downright sinister.

Knowing the way these shows work, next year, they'll have some other gimmick to bring people into the booth. Just one piece of advice to Microsoft:

Guys, you do a great job at what you do best, which is making money. Don't try to be cool. You just look like dorks when you try.