The systems are still operational. The first major storm of this season has been successfully deflected by the Great Twin Cities Hype-Fueled Weather Deflector Shield. This storm, which was supposed to deposit up to a foot of snow in the Western Twin Cities, has yielded maybe four inches so far (here at Frozen North World Headquarters), with another inch or two expected by morning. The real storm is 50-100 miles West of here.

Here in the Twin Cities, we are protected by an elegant system which deflects the worst of the winter storms just far enough away to keep us from getting most of the snow.

Here's how it works: All around the Twin Cities, we have giant antenna arrays which broadcast a continuous, modulated signal in the RF band. Normally, these signals are out of sync with each other, and have little or no impact on the weather.

A couple days before major winter storm is likely to hit, however, all the antenna arrays begin broadcasting signals which are carefully modulated and synchronized with each other. The modulation corresponds to carefully chosen patterns which, if demodulated and made audible (say, using an AM radio or a TV set) sound very much like, "Get those shovels ready, this one's a whopper," and "A low pressure system is tracking out of Texas and will draw moisture from the Gulf," and even, "This storm is shaping up a lot like the Halloween Blizzard of 1991."

Of course, any resemblance to actual English words and phrases is purely coincidental. The modulation patterns are ones which resonate with ice crystals in the upper atmosphere, particularly the jet stream. The powerful signals, with their synchronous modulation and resonance with the jet stream ice crystals, create a force which steers the jet stream away from the antenna arrays. This is usually enough to ensure that the center of the winter storm misses the Twin Cities.

Newcomers to the Minneapolis area often don't understand this. When they hear someone on the radio saying something like, "There's the potential for over a foot of snow, so be prepared," they often assume that there's a major winter storm coming. Or worse: they assume that our local media is just hyping the storm [Not at all true. Hype in Minnesota goes something like this: "Both the Packers and the Vikings are undefeated, so this Sunday's game might be interesting to watch. Or maybe not. Not that we'd try to tell you what to do or anything, but there's a chance a guy could say it was worth seeing. As long as you got a six-pack of beers, that is. Whatever. Do what you want." -Ed].

What's really going on is that the Great Twin Cities Hype-Fueled Weather Deflector Shield is springing into action once again, saving us from another messy winter storm.