Tue - July 6, 2004 at 04:46 PM in

Advice for Newlyweds


My sister is getting married in a few weeks, and a good friend just announced her engagement. I'm trying (really, I'm trying!) not to dump them with unsolicited advice, but the temptation is very powerful. So, instead of irritating my loved ones, I'll just annoy you, my loyal readers.

1. You'll be amazed how many disagreements are solved by the passing of events and time. For example, She Who Puts Up With Me wanted two kids; and I wanted three. We decided to defer the decision until after our second child was born, but we wound up with twins--making the argument moot. "We'll decide this later" is a perfectly valid answer to an argument, and one which can avoid a lot of hard feelings.

2. You are the first thing in each other's lives, but not the only thing. Give each other space to pursue individual interests and friendships, and activities which your spouse might not enjoy.

3. But be careful. If you would rather spend time in an outside friendship or activity--or worse, if you use it to avoid your spouse--then the marriage may be in trouble.

4. Get a prenup. Even if you expect to be trailer trash the rest of your life, it will force you to think about how you're going to handle money. This takes one of the biggest arguments off the table before you even get married.

5. Accept that you are two different people, and you will never agree about everything. Some things are really really personal (like sex and children), and even minor disagreements can feel like total marital incompatibility.

6. Always let your spouse save face when you're arguing. A compromise which lets both people claim victory can do wonders.

Posted at 04:46 PM   Permalink      

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